As promised, here are the cousins I mentioned, plus my mother and me on Christmas Eve!
P.S. I did their hair. You can’t see K’s very well, but R’s is an ear-to-ear french braid that comes out looking like a headband!
Tag Archives: parents
Pomp and Circumstance
This week, one of my best friends graduates from college. She and I were in 1st grade together, at the gifted & talented school I mentioned in one of my very first posts. In chatting about her impending walk in a black gown, she mentioned that it feels kind of “meh” to her to finish up. It’s not that she’s not proud of the accomplishment – she is – she’s just ready to be done I think. But, I agreed that I felt about the same way when I graduated. Proud, but “whatever” were my sentiments.
Please don’t misunderstand what I’m about to say; I get that there are students out there who do not have the opportunity to go to college, be it special education needs, learning disabilities, finances, family obligations, etc. etc. But, for my friend and I, having gone to a GT school due to some test that identified us as “special” back in kindergarten, the challenges of college had to do with patience, working on group projects, finding time to work another job so we could pay the bills, etc. Learning has always come very easy for us both, and we are both grateful for this gift.
This friend has recently hit some amazing milestones with her own weight loss efforts, losing 65 lbs! I was telling her that when I lose all the weight I intend to, THAT will be the biggest accomplishment I have ever achieved, and she agreed for herself. To lose weight does not come naturally to either us. What has felt natural to me are things like salt shakers, french fries, pulling into a fast food restaurant at the first inkling of hunger, and coming up with excuses to not exercise at the snap of my fingers. Losing this weight requires undoing YEARS of bad habits, and fighting my tendencies the rest of my life to keep it off! I have to put up with my God-given genetics of pudginess, chubby cheeks, big calves (at any weight!), pear shape, stretch marks and on and on and on.
I don’t mean to diminish the hard work it takes for anyone to graduate – it is certainly hard. But college was instilled as an expectation in me (both from my parents and myself). Imagine what my life would had been like if the same instillation had been made for healthy choices.
And a light goes off!
A friend of mine and I were having a discussion about fluorescent light bulbs. See, my parents had been replacing their burnt-out regular bulbs with CFLs on at a time. My friend, on the other hand, had made a massive shopping trip to Home Depot that weekend, where she and her hubby purchased enough for the whole house. We’re talking recessed lighting, under cabinet lights, lamps, sconces, and globes. I kid you not, they spent $300+ on light bulbs for their four story townhome. See, if they were going to save money (which is one of a couple of reasons to do this in the first place), they wanted to see the impact immediately.
This story struck me today. I was thinking about all the progress I’ve made over the past few months in terms of healthy habits. I eat fewer calories, count my calories, work out, etc. I have incrementally added to my efforts as I’ve gone along. I’m basically taking the approach my parents did – making changes one at a time that will ultimately add up to some big changes (in their case, it was the electric bill, in my case, it’s my weight).
The other thing that struck me today was this thought I had. I said to myself (without thinking, which is how most of my thoughts come out), that giving up Diet Dr. Pepper (my one true love), will be the last unhealthy habit I give up. But then I caught myself (insert sound of record scratching here): why am I waiting until the very end? Why am I doing this incrementally? Which is better – small changes added over time, or all changes made at once?
If you read dieting success stats and info, they all say the reason most people fail is that their new diet is too restrictive and not maintainable. Isn’t that true for general health too – if you make too many changes at once, you’ll stick with none of it? I’m really not sure.
If you have ever seen the first episode of a season of Biggest Loser, you know what their stance is. They change all the light bulbs at once, so to speak. Those contestants are thrown into it. They start day one with crazy exercise, extreme dieting, and zero allowance for error. But, they are in a very unique situation – completely removed from their environment. They have a coach on them daily , reminding them of all the things they have to do. They have each other, setting examples and pushing them along. And last but not least, they have a mega prize waiting for them, should they have the largest percentage of body weight.
So which is better? I really don’t have an answer. I do know that I’m thinking about making more changes now, including (gulp) giving up soda all together. My month-long hiatuses only have me subbing one vice for another, so I’m not doing all that much, incrementally-speaking. I’m at like net net zero.
As for my friend? They spent a Saturday replacing all their light bulbs, only to discover the fluorescents gave her an eye twitch. They took most of them out (thankfully, they’d kept the original bulbs), and gave out CFLs as “treats” for Halloween. Yes, really.
Do. Do, do, do.
It’s slow-going in camp single-digit-denim. Last I reported, I’d lost about 14 lbs. I should probably know it down to the two-tenths-of-a-pound, but when you weigh over 200, two-tenths feels like pocket change, honestly.
The thing is, my weight changes DRASTICALLY day to day. I don’t know how it works for skinny girls, but from Monday to Tuesday, my weight can fluctuate by as much as 6 lbs. I KNOW “they” say you shouldn’t weigh every single day, but I do. I think they say that to teens so they don’t develop eating disorders. Truth is, had I forced myself to step on a scale daily starting in college, I’d probably be about 80 lbs lighter. I would have seen the numbers creeping and would have changed it then. (And honestly, knowing your weight is like knowing your bank account balance…)
I put on weight rather obliviously. I don’t really remember thinking “Op! I’m a size up this time!” I don’t even remember the moment when I could no longer shop at the “regular” store. Why didn’t anyone say anything? There were signs for myself – all over the place! (Ok, that’s not fair – my mother did say stuff, but for some reason we dismiss our mothers).
Granted I’m no closer to getting married today than I was when I was say, six, I’d actually thought about how I’d be a fat bride. I thought about what dress cuts flatter short stocky girls. How pathetic is that? Even when i was single+fat, I saw myself fat for life (or fat till ‘I do’ at least).
The truth is I fell ever so slightly from the wagon in the past week. I think three and a half days off at Thanksgiving had a role. I have been more tired since waking up early (ahem, for workouts I’ve been skipping sporadically). Work has picked up a tad. All reasons, but all excuses. I have boot camp tomorrow morning and literally thought an hour ago, “Maybe I’ll start next week off fresh and just not go tomorrow.”
No. No no no. It re-starts NOW. Now now now. As of this morning, I’m at 13 lbs lost. My corduroys’s were hanging off of me yesterday. The new jeans I bought last week fit like a glove and I love that feeling every time I zip the fly. I need more of THOSE moments. I need more of those empowering moments when boot camp ends with a “bring it in.” I know all the things I need and must do. Now it’s time to do. Do do do.
I keep reminding myself that if I can just do this, I can do anything. “Recovering” from weight gain will be one of the most difficult things I do in my life, and overcoming it will be the most inspirational.
Parental Love and Weight
I recognize that my writing skills are rusty, and I may not always build a story in the best way, hooking y’all early. So, I will just preface this blog with a request: read it to the end, because that’s where I’ve really exposed some stuff deep in my heart.
I have never really sized myself up to others in terms of appearance. I’ve very rarely walked into a room of strangers and thought ‘I’m the biggest one here.’ Occasionally I’ve said to myself “Oh good, I’m not the fattest one here.” Which if I think about it, means I have just contradicted myself. I MUST size myself up in terms of appearance when I walk in a room, however subconsciously.
But, being larger than others in the room has never really bugged me. I think when I heard the kid-friendly messaging that people should love you for who you are, and not what you look like, it over-resonated with me.
I’m not a mother, but I’ve really been thinking about how I would talk about nutrition, health, weight and beauty with a daughter. I kind of wish my parents had talked to me more about being thinner and the opportunities it opens for you, but I understand why they didn’t.
When I was in my mid-twenties my dad took a serious tone with me, and out of love and concern for my future, he said that I needed to lose weight if I ever wanted to find a husband. He prefaced it by saying he would only tell me this once, ever – and he’s held to that. As I write this, I’m having an emotional reaction not to what he said then, but the fact that he only said it only once. It means throughout my life – my chubby, chunky entire life – he bit his tongue about my weight. My mom too, was pretty quiet about my weight.
My Wonderful, Loving Parents (and me!)
It means they made a decision together, out of love for me, at some young, chunky moment in my life, to NOT give me a complex about it by over-harping on my snacks or meals, but instead encouraging the sports I was interested in (Tennis), and other healthy habits I’m likely not even aware of.
I cannot say they did me any disservice. Parenting is difficult in a way I cannot fathom. Somewhere along the way I just became wired to eat more and eat mindlessly (whether it was nature or nurture, I don’t care). But, I’m also wired to feel that what I am on the inside matters, I know what love feels like because of the abundant love they gave me, and I relish in the encouragement they’ve always given me without criticism (then and now).
