I have been online dating. For a long, long time. I don’t get hit on at bars or church, and so this has been a long-term solution for meeting men.
For those of you less experienced in online dating, let me enlighten you. It is a very judgemental place. Once you filter potential guys on some criteria you set, you basically scroll through pictures until someone strikes your fancy. You may or may not read their entire profile before reaching out to them (through a wink, nudge or whatever cutesy word the site has come up with). Guys are no different. Guys are MUCH more visually driven, and so picture is everything.
For me, this poses a slight problem. My picture shows off my chubby cheeks and collar bones. Yes, I am a fat girl looking for love. BUT, I’m also a fat girl who is TRULY working to improve herself. That part – the part that’s not immediately visible, gets lost in the details. Literally. If you look at my profile, you will see I’m active…. way, way down – after my age, race, marriage status, kids status and religion.
So, the guys I typically hear from are big guys (because why would an athletic, fit guy reach out to a chubby girl?) But, they are not always on the same page as me in terms of health. Here’s what I can expect of the guys I hear from:
- 70% of them are big guys who “wink” at every chubby girl (or every girl for that matter). They may have a glint of an idea to lose weight “some day”, but there’s no immediate steps being taken. These guys also think they work out 3 times a week, but when you talk to them, they haven’t been to the gym in a couple of weeks, or don’t even have a gym membership.
- 25% of them think they are working on their health (me a year ago), and think they want to be with a girl who will encourage them. They think that by dating a fit (or getting fit) girl, they will magically absorb her good habits, but God forbid you encourage them – that makes you pushy. These are the guys that despite their aspirations, order queso at every meal.
- 5% of them are in my boat – I’m guessing. I haven’t truly met one of them, that I’m aware of. They may be big now, but they have made strides recently and continue to see progress. These are the ones I’m looking for!
This leaves me with precious little to work with. What’s a girl to do? Of the golden 5% of the big guys, there’s a needle in a haystack chance that I also get along with them, or we find each other mutually attractive, or have the same religious values…
All I can do is keep doing what I’ve always done and put myself out there. I don’t plan to ‘wait for skinny’ before I start looking.