Tag Archives: confession

Dub Dub

So I have rejoined the cult that is Weight Watchers.  A.K.A. W. W..  A.K.A. Dub Dub.  I started January 1st, inspired by commercials of Jessica Simpson, whom I love for being a Texan girl, first and foremost, and then for being a blonde.  Secondary to that, Jennifer Hudson, whom I can relate to for topping out at a size 24 before losing a lot of weight prior to her Dream Girls performance, and now looks AH-MAZING in her dub dub commercials. 

Of course, I joined for myself.  My cousin’s wedding is quickly approaching and I’d like to be in better shape for it – looking better.  Specifically, smaller arms and belly!  Maybe better looking legs, as it will be a short bridesmaids dress. 

My boyfriend is a little concerned, yet supportive about it all.  He’s already asking me things like “how many points do you have left today,” but he’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t want to know the PointsPlus values of his own food (for reasons we won’t get into on the internet :) ). 

So far, I’m pretty happy with the program.  PointsPlus values are calculated by “rewarding” a food for having protein and fiber, while “punishing” it for having fat and carbs.  Fruits and vegetables are zero points (for the majority of them), so long as you don’t have a banana fest or something (eating zero-points food without being hungry).

The online and mobile tools are making the program kick off to a great start.  I decided not to do meetings, even though I believe I’d get some value out of them.  I’m just so busy as it is, and would rather spend that time doing something else. 

I will keep you all posted on progress!

I will keep you posted on how it goes. 

 

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What the…

How did I do this?  On Friday, in an effort to lean on the more healthy side of eating, I had cereal for breakfast.  Then, on the way to work, completely out of about a two-week habit, I made my way way to pick up breakfast tacos.

Two breakfasts in a matter of an hour.

Obviously, I’m not listening to my body this week.  If I had been, I would have realized, prior to picking up breakfast tacos, that I wasn’t hungry.  I would have realized prior to that, that I felt perfectly full from cereal.  And, if I wasn’t so slammed with work and social activities this past week, I would have just paid more attention to what I was doing.

It is a constant reminder I must make to myself to be mindful with my eating.  Don’t eat out of convenience or habit.  Don’t eat just to eat.  Don’t eat just to socialize.  Eat to sustain, to nourish.  That is the real purpose of food.

 

 

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Playing Games

I just left a great workout.  Literally, it ended 23 minutes ago – long enough for me to drive home (while avoiding direct eye contact with Sonic), turn on my computer and start a movie (No Strings Attached).  I digress.

It was a great workout, and I wanted to share with you how I stayed motivated.

Generally, between parking my car and getting on a machine, I make a goal.  Sometimes it’s a distance or time goal, but usually it is a calorie goal.  That is, I can’t stop until I’ve hit X number of calories.  This way, if I’m tired, and want to stop earlier, all I have to do is work harder/faster.  If I have all the time in the world, and I’m feeling lazy/tired/sore, then I lower my intensity/speed and work longer.

Today, I tried a different machine.  The past few times to the gym, I worked on the elliptical trainer.  This was a recommendation from a personal trainer because it simulates running without the impact on your hips and knees (both which give me issues). For whatever reason, I was thinking, “Ugh” at the thought of the El Trainer today and so I hopped on a newfangled treadmill.  By newfangled, I’m talking the motor in the back, full color touch screen kind.

This is the first machine that let me SET a calorie goal from the beginning. So, when I hopped on and reviewed my buttons of choice, I saw one that said “set goal,” which holy smokes, is what I do anyways.  I click on it and picked my calories (450) and then I could choose incline and speed.  As I did, the amount of time it would take me to complete would change.  I played around with the settings and saw that at a speed of 2.6mph and an incline of 10%, it would take over an hour to finish.

I started my 60+ min workout and quickly – very quickly – got bored.  I increased my incline to 20% (whoa), and my speed up to 2.7.  The machine told me I now only had like 35 minutes remaining (as opposed to the 55 remaining).

This could be fun.

So, since the 20% incline was challenging, but not sustainable, I kept playing around with the dials to make it interesting.  For instance, I would do one minute at 20%, but once I “beat” that, I took it down to 19.5%, which added 15 seconds to the time remaining.  I kept playing around with the one-minute “intervals” until I started to feel a bit of a runners high.  At about 15% I felt really good and so I’d say, out loud mind you, “One more minute here.”  Then, “Just 30 more seconds here.”  I probably stayed at 15% for a good long time before it started to wind me.  So then I found another metric on the machine – elevation.  At this point, I’d climbed 985ft or so, and so I said (again, out loud – this seems to make a difference for me), “Hit 1,000 ft in elevation, then you can drop your speed.”

I played these little games for the full 39 minutes (where I ultimately hit 450 calories burned).  It made the time go by so much faster, I felt challenged, and I encouraged myself.

The one liiiiiitle thing I did not care for – this particular machine wouldn’t read my heart rate.  I don’t know if it was the whole series of machines at at the gym (there are 10 that are the same), or my particular one, but I would have really liked to know where I maxed out, and was walking too fast to take my own pulse.  One other thing, there didn’t seem to be a way to tell the machine how old I was or how much I weighed.  If you’re heavy like me, you want to do this because a heavy person burns more calories than an “average” person because of all the extra work it takes to carry the weight.

So then I did a 5 minute cool down on another treadmill (couldn’t figure out how to do it on the one I was on, plus the guy next to me was a little creepy).

Then, the next really fun part: strength.  I am still a little intimidated by the weight machines at my new gym.  I have used said machines at other gyms, but somehow stepping off the tiled walkways of the gym, onto the rubber mats of the weight area feels a little nerve wracking.  So, for now, I’ve been using a free weights/stretching/other area.

I did 100 crunches of varying kinds: toes in the air toe touches, angry penguins, standard, then did lower back crunches (100), including supermans, superman holds, and planks (not a crunch, but the idea was to work opposite muscle groups, so a count of one equaled one crunch).

I also did some arm work with free weights, but with a twist!  I got a BOSU ball, stood on it, and did curls and shoulder lifts.  I’m no fitness expert, but I know with challenge comes reward.  By standing on this thing while doing my curls, I was forced to engage my abs the whole time.

After that, I got a big (too big) yoga ball (I really don’t know the name for those things) and did some chest flies.

Next, feeling my triceps were under-worked, I attempted some tricep pushups using the BOSU ball.  I don’t know how well they worked, but they did something for me I’m sure, as I had a hard time doing them.

Last exercise, I did bridge crunches.  These are a nice way for me to tighten my butt (or at least that is the goal)!

Finally, stretching.  Oh how I love to stretch!  I made a mixed tape as a teenager called “stretching music,” full of Enya, monk chants, the Jurassic Park sound track, and a little Brian Adams.  No lie.

All in all, an excellent day at the gym!  How do you stay motivated at the gym, or how do you push yourself?

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23_

23.  These are the first two numbers I would like to see on the scale very soon.  I don’t even care what the third number is, or the number after the decimal.  All I want is a two, followed by a three.

I have been stuck in the 240s for what feels like eons.  I finally broke into the low 240s on my short-lived experience with MyFitFoods, and the weight has stayed off.  But, I’m ready for a new 10-pound range.  For reals.

So, I’ve been mindful (somewhat).  Ugh, I know, “somewhat.”  I have been, um, 90% good and 10% bad.  That aint bad, right?  I mindlessly had a candy bar.  Well, I knew what I was doing at the time, but when i came across the wrapper in my purse, I thought “when in the world did I last have a Twix?”

“Um, two days ago.  You bought it at Home Depot.”

“Oh.  Right.”

STILL, 23.  I’m like 241 and change right now and I cannot wait to see that little 3 peek at me from between my toes.  It may not happen for my Friday update, but I’m really, really hoping for it by next week.  I have been working out like a fiend (well, with unexpected time from work off, that is).  And, I’ve been eating less; I’m sure of it.  With the financial cuts to my budget, I’ve been very careful to plow through my cupboard, and only buy things at the store that supplement that (for instance, my cupboard has uncooked pasta, so buying the stuff for sauce, and by “stuff,” I mean a jar of sauce, is allowed).  I can also get fruits, veggies and milk.  Instead of the $1 per day Greek yogurt, I’m now having regular stuff to appease that sweet tooth I get around 8pm.  And, I’m finally eating the jello I bought I don’t know how long ago (well, I do, but I don’t wanna say!).

And by the way, cupboard is a weird word.  I may only be saying so because I didn’t know how to spell it until just now, and therefore may be biased.

Two thirties.  I recall being exactly 230 lbs the day I moved to Los Angeles in September 2005.  I lost a bunch of weight while in LA (South Beach), but I remember seeing that number and being shocked.  SHOCKED. at how much I weighed.  By the time I left, I was closer to 210, but then quickly entered a relationship that ended badly, and with a 40 (yes 40) pound gain that I’m still trying to lose 6 years later.

I have post-its up at the office, and intentions to put up little messages around my apartment to encourage me.  I chant in my head every five minutes “two-three-oh, two-three-oh” (ok, this part is a lie).

In my head, 230s mean that I’m past the 240s (duh), but on my way to the 220s, and I think size 16.  I’ll have to think long and hard about the last time I was a size 16.  Hrm…..

Send prayers or good vibes or whatever you belief system does my way, if you don’t mind.  I would greatly appreciate it!

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Rough Week, Gym Bag and Marbles

I have been bad this week.  Truth be told, it has been a really emotional week for me and I just haven’t “felt like it.”  You know what I mean?

These kinds of things happen.  Working out would have made it feel better, but it also happens to be one of those super busy weeks where you get to work an hour early and stay an hour late, and then when you get home, you have extra work to do.

I also got in non-trouble this week at work.  An email went out and it was not well received.  My manager, his manager, and then her manager all had to sit down with me and just let me know it wasn’t the best email to send.  Although they were cool about it, it was upsetting.  I hate crying at work, but it happened – both on the day my manager gave me a heads up, and in the meeting with the three managers.

Towards the end of yesterday, things were really looking up.  The only reason I didn’t go to the gym was because it was the once monthly office happy hour that I myself plan.  By the time it’s over, I’m tipsy, it’s dusk, and working out sounds like a bad idea.  I think the occasional day or two off from working out is fine, it’s just that there has been a lot of them this week.

Also contributing to my stress is my dad’s upcoming knee replacement surgery.  He reads this blog and doesn’t want me sharing all his business, so I’ll just leave it at that :)   I am heading down to my hometown though, to help out post-op.  Still, I have an inkling feeling that the stress of earlier this week and the stress of the upcoming surgery have me pretty tightly wound.

BUT, I’m working out tonight!  Oh yes!  Just a couple more weeks left on my CG Arena free membership and then I’ll be heading to Gold’s more permanently.  I’m really looking forward to it.

Also exciting me this week (it really is the little things…) is my quest for a gym bag.  Yes, this is exciting.  My Crate & Barrel tote bag gets the job done, but it’s not particularly sporty, nor does it fit in a teeny gym locker.  Plus it serves a whole lot of purposes and so a gym bag is required. BUT, I’m implementing a little plan before I make this happen:

My friend Tracy gave me this idea: get a jar and some pretty marbles.  Every time you do something healthy, add a marble to the jar.  When the jar is full, you get your reward.  For me, I plan to add a marble every time I eat a home-prepared meal (e.g., cereal for breakfast, leftovers for lunch, etc.).  It only counts if it is a healthy, planned meal (no, popcorn does NOT count as a meal, even though it’s home prepared).

I’m looking forward to sharing the pictures.  Wish me luck :)

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What a Bunch of Brats: Biggest Loser No Excuses

Ugh!  Outrage!

I watch the Biggest Loser every week, and I am 10 minutes into this week’s episode.

For those of you who don’t watch the show: 20 some odd overweight contestants fight to lose the largest percent of their body weight while at a Fat Camp of sorts, with access to all the best equipment, nutritionists, doctors and personal trainers.  Each week, by having a low percentage of weight loss that week, a handful (usually 2) of people fall “below the yellow line” and and one goes home.  So, as the season comes close to wrapping up, there are like 5 players left.

EVERY SEASON, there is an opportunity for one player who has been voted off to come back.  The way they get back depends – it can be as simple as having the largest percent of weight loss at home or, to date to winning a marathon.  Why would anyone want to get back onto “the ranch?”  Cash prize, yo.  If you are one of the finalists, you’re prize potential for winning is much higher (there is an at-home prize too, but it’s besides the point here).

Admit: I once stood in line for a couple of hours to be on the show.  For realz.  It was February, in Chicago, and though I was covered by an overpass, and wearing boots, at some point I could not feel my toes any longer, and I left.  I knew I had a slim chance anyway, and I knew that a lot of contestants are picked out ahead of the castings (remember Heba and her hubby? Bob found them at a bar or something).

Ok, here is where the spoiler alerts come into play, so you’ve been warned!

With five players left, they are basically at the 11th hour, or “one yard line” as trainer Bob puts it.  They get wind that it’s now the week that past contestants come back and vie for a spot.  Granted, it is RARE for this to happen so close to the finale, the contestants are up in arms and ALL want to quit.  I guess they think if they protest, threaten to quit, etc., the producers will cave.

I mean come ON folks.  You have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.  Are you seriously going to behave like a bunch of bratty quitters because “it’s not fair?”  I thought this was the season of “no excuses.”  Not only that, but you SIGNED A CONTRACT that SAID this exact thing would happen, and that it would happen this close to finals.  The contract stated that whomever won that competition would be eligible for the final prize.   Remember that?  No, you were too excited that you had been selected for the show, you were ready to sign away your first born child.

One contestant (Kim) said she wanted to compete in the finals with the people who deserved to be there.  That infuriates me because there are certainly people who undeservingly went home.  I mean, they certainly went home under the rules of the game, so it was fair, but it would be someone who has a ton of heart whose body just didn’t cooperate that week, or got a pound disadvantage in a competition that week, or who was pushed below the yellow line by someone who got a one pound advantage.

Buddy (who I have been routing for) says it’s not fair that some person got to spend the last 8 weeks with their families (where as he has left his kids and new born baby at home), and they could now win the game (ahem, which is always the case).  He feels that if he had to sacrifice time with family to better himself (and in a round about way, his family), then someone who didn’t make that sacrifice shouldn’t win.

Honestly, these people have just gotten too worked up about it.  Have you ever been in a social situation where some piece of negative gossip or just general piece of negativity spirals out of control?  I’m chuckling as I type this because this one time, in 9th grade, with two of my best friends at one high school, and another best friend of mine and I were at a different high school (after having been together for 8 years), we had a drag-out discussion accusing one another of having “changed.”  At the time, I guess it was the ultimate friendship sin to change in any way, shape or form.  At the time, we were all perhaps a little narrowly focused on it.  Looking back, of course we were changing.  We were 15!

Anyways, these people are in a frenzy.  Much ado about nothin’.  And it makes me mad.  It is HARD to get on that show.  If they hadn’t “caught wind” of it, and had been surprised like every other game twist, I don’t think they would be reacting in the same way.

Ugh.  I guess my rant is over.

Just as a final (positive) note, can someone please shoot confetti cannons at me when I reach size 8!?

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This and That

So, a little content for my readers (In hopes that you won’t notice I have yet to post my Search for a Gym Part 2 article).

First of all, WELCOME!  There have been SO MANY new visitors from the Prior Fat Girl blog site.  ‘Tis true, I did not win a spot as a blogger on that site, but knowing I have so many supporters (and votes!) is a great consolation prize.  I hope I can deliver on all of your expectations.  Yesterday was the biggest day my little blog has ever had :)

Regarding my perfection post of last week, le sigh.  I have not been perfect.  I haven’t been terrible – I’ve been working out a lot, despite some hip issues.  I AM working around the hip pain for the moment, but I will see the doctor today and confirm it is nothing serious.  I did talk to a nurse friend of mine (she happens to be a doctor of nursing, and a former bone nurse (the term is escaping me)) who thinks it is a hip sprain or just general strain.

I have continued in my search for a gym, taking full advantage of trial memberships and such, just to make an informed decision.  Lifetime Fitness – oh my!  So many options, such quality machines and classes.  And the hot tub, steam room, etc.  Why is it 8 miles away?

I will be back soon with news about my hip and my fun little Gym spreadsheet!  Promise.

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Online Dating Profile Picture

I don’t know what it is, but the new attention I’ve been getting lately on match.com has been noted.  I have been on there for about 6 of the 9 months I’ve been in Austin, and in the past week or two, the number of men who have contacted me has grown about 7-fold.

Not three weeks ago, I was joking with my coworkers how I rarely hear from anyone on match, and when I do, the guys have one or two of the following two criteria: a picture of them in overalls or a picture of them on a Harley.  Granted, I live in Texas, and I like country music, and I have nothing against the appropriate use of overalls (i.e., they are not dinner attire), nor do I have an issue with motor cycles, there is a certain type of guy that has (camouflage) overalls AND a Harley.  And he WAS a nice guy (albeit unable to carry on a conversation).

This week (and I have done an official count) I received emails from six guys and winks (a passive way to say “I’m interested” without the effort of an email only to hear “Thanks but no thanks) from three guys.  Not only all of that, but I’m hearing from guys I’ve heard from before.  Guys who had previously rejected me (be it through drop-off of communication, or never got a second call from them).

I don’t know what to attribute this to, other than a change in profile picture.  A profile picture is one of the first things a guy will see when doing a general scan of women that meet search criteria (he can see the rest once he clicks on your first picture).  Here are some of the ones I’ve had up there in the recent past:

And here is the photo that changed the tides:

I have avoided this particular picture in the past because (1) I think I look chubby-cheeked (2) I’m shiny, and (3)  I’m a bit of a photo snob and find this to be of particularly poor quality.  But, I’m sure any(guy)one reading this could comment on the primary difference between this one and the other three.

Thoughts?  Is it better to put the curves “out there” as your profile picture, or have it in the mix of other pictures with something more modest as the forefront?  All I know is it’s nice to get some attention on the site for a change (especially when you drop a pretty penny to be on there).

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The Problem with Public

This blog has really been what’s kept me going with weight loss this time around.  Any other time, I would have completely lost focus months ago and just reverted back to comfort/easy zone.  This blog keeps me accountable – to my family, my friends, strangers and of course myself.

But sometimes putting it all out there is unexpectedly tough.  When I’m honest about my pitfalls, you all know.  Sometimes I’m straight up honest, and sometimes I approach it in humorous way, but I always try to remain real.  True to who I am.

And sometimes, the response I get hurts.  Be it comments or private messages, some people really feel it’s their job to call me out – even though I’m calling myself out.  I said in my very first post that sometimes I need that no-holds-barred feedback, as opposed to the candy coating.  But it hurts anyways. (And by the way, it has never come from someone who has lost 100+ lbs, or who needs to lose it themselves.)

It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, because it rattles me to the point of getting me to GO.  PULL THROUGH. Even if it’s presumptuous, ill-informed, or tough-love, it DOES make an impact on me, but only after I’ve had time to process it.

Yesterday was a weird, weird day.  I don’t know if the birth control hormones are still affecting me or what, but I’m feeling introverted, anti-social, and anti-workout.  #truthbomb

And this morning, I woke up IN TIME to go to boot camp, but drug my feet getting out the door and ultimately drove right past it when I realized I’d be 10+ minutes late.  I know – it’s pathetic.  NOBODY needs to call me out on it, though I know someone will – whether it’s a reply to this post, or they try to sneak it in five posts from now. (I’m onto you.)  I hate it, but bring it on.

While I try to work through my grouchy, crabby, hormonal mood swings and grit my teeth through every temptation I (try to) turn away, I know that every single reader of this blog – blunt or not – wants me to succeed.  And though the comments sting, I have to make sure they don’t discourage me from being honest.

This blog makes me accountable.  Even if some people want to take my honesty and scold me for it, so be it.  I’m not perfect, and I’m OK with it.

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Pushing Perceived Limits

Oh man, ya’ll.  I’m on a 3 or 4 week hiatus from boot camp right now (because they shut down, not because I don’t want to be there), and so I was beaming when I received a kettle weight for Christmas.  What is a kettle weight, you might ask?  Well, it’s similar to a kettle ball, only instead of a ball, it looks like a dumb bell. And, it came with a DVD.

I did the beginner video.  Lots of lunging, squatting and swinging.  I expected some arm and shoulder tenderness, as this weight is heavier than my standard dumb bells I use at Camp Gladiator – 10lbs vs. two 3lbs.  But noooooooo (think of a kid putting an emphasis on about the 4th “o”).

My ass hurts.  It’s a good hurt.  I walk funny, feel silly-slow while trying to sit on a chair, and even sitting on my super cushy sofa, the slightest  move ignites a fire at the top of the backs of my thighs.

And I love it.  I have not had this type of pain in a couple of weeks and I have a difficult time getting it outside of boot camp.

Why is it that it takes a personal trainer, boot camp, or something with a “coach” that makes me push myself to this point?  Why can’t I push myself to this point without the help of an expert?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be hard on myself here, just trying to understand.  I often do long cardio workouts – 40-60 minutes on an elliptical or treadmill at 4-6 incline.  No, I don’t run a 10 minute mile, but the duration is there.  When I do weights, I push myself.  I do planks, angry penguins, pushups, triceps dips, crunches, toe touches and all the weight machines available to me (and more).

For now, I will keep wondering.  I would like to get to the point where I am my own personal trainer – where I can push my body to exhaustion and soreness, so that my muscles rebuild stronger than before,  where I’m pushing myself as much as a boot camp trainer would push me.  Until then, and even beyond, I will gladly attend boot camp where I’m pushed beyond my known limits, and discover just how far I can go.

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