Tag Archives: anecdote

Jun 07 2012
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Size 18

23_

23.  These are the first two numbers I would like to see on the scale very soon.  I don’t even care what the third number is, or the number after the decimal.  All I want is a two, followed by a three.

I have been stuck in the 240s for what feels like eons.  I finally broke into the low 240s on my short-lived experience with MyFitFoods, and the weight has stayed off.  But, I’m ready for a new 10-pound range.  For reals.

So, I’ve been mindful (somewhat).  Ugh, I know, “somewhat.”  I have been, um, 90% good and 10% bad.  That aint bad, right?  I mindlessly had a candy bar.  Well, I knew what I was doing at the time, but when i came across the wrapper in my purse, I thought “when in the world did I last have a Twix?”

“Um, two days ago.  You bought it at Home Depot.”

“Oh.  Right.”

STILL, 23.  I’m like 241 and change right now and I cannot wait to see that little 3 peek at me from between my toes.  It may not happen for my Friday update, but I’m really, really hoping for it by next week.  I have been working out like a fiend (well, with unexpected time from work off, that is).  And, I’ve been eating less; I’m sure of it.  With the financial cuts to my budget, I’ve been very careful to plow through my cupboard, and only buy things at the store that supplement that (for instance, my cupboard has uncooked pasta, so buying the stuff for sauce, and by “stuff,” I mean a jar of sauce, is allowed).  I can also get fruits, veggies and milk.  Instead of the $1 per day Greek yogurt, I’m now having regular stuff to appease that sweet tooth I get around 8pm.  And, I’m finally eating the jello I bought I don’t know how long ago (well, I do, but I don’t wanna say!).

And by the way, cupboard is a weird word.  I may only be saying so because I didn’t know how to spell it until just now, and therefore may be biased.

Two thirties.  I recall being exactly 230 lbs the day I moved to Los Angeles in September 2005.  I lost a bunch of weight while in LA (South Beach), but I remember seeing that number and being shocked.  SHOCKED. at how much I weighed.  By the time I left, I was closer to 210, but then quickly entered a relationship that ended badly, and with a 40 (yes 40) pound gain that I’m still trying to lose 6 years later.

I have post-its up at the office, and intentions to put up little messages around my apartment to encourage me.  I chant in my head every five minutes “two-three-oh, two-three-oh” (ok, this part is a lie).

In my head, 230s mean that I’m past the 240s (duh), but on my way to the 220s, and I think size 16.  I’ll have to think long and hard about the last time I was a size 16.  Hrm…..

Send prayers or good vibes or whatever you belief system does my way, if you don’t mind.  I would greatly appreciate it!

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May 01 2012
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Size 18

Personal Trainer Experience

Last week, I worked out with a personal trainer.  Now, I should say this was part of Gold’s Gym’s effort to sell me a membership, but it was rewarding all the same.

The guy they paired me up with was great, and with a Physical Therapy background no less!  We talked about my goals, and put a number to how much more weight I want to lose (114 pounds – seems like a lot).

Quick aside, 132 is the weight I think I will need to be at to fit into a size 8, however if I’m putting on a lot of muscle (which the gym’s electro static (or something) test confirmed), size 8 could happen at a higher weight.  In fact the test suggested that with working out a lot and eating right and all that, my ideal weight might actually be 160 lbs, with 18% body fat.  I have no idea how this compares to others, so at 240+ pounds, I am taking their word for it.  I’ll question them when I hit 160 and wear some other size.

So after talking about goals and medical concerns, he took me out onto the gym and set me on an elliptical (because of my hip).  He said this will be the best piece of equipment for me (because of joints), and it mimics running.  Then, he put me to work.

Now, cardio equipment has all kinds of lights and information to watch while you run.  When you put in your age, there is a little heart rate scale that indicates where your current heart rate lies.  On similar machines, I cross over from “weight loss zone” to “cardio zone” at about 140 beats per minute.  So, when I’ve worked out, I’ve tried to keep my HR above 150.  The machine also indicates a “peak” zone, which lights up red, which I always thought was “dangerous.”

Apparently not.  And the way the trainer approached the machine was SO different that I’d ever approached a cardio machine before.  He had me focus on speed first, HR second.  He said, “See that number?  I want you to keep it between 100 and 110 for 5 minutes.”

At the end of 5 minutes, my HR is at like 167.  I keep my speed at 70-80 for 1 minute, then I jump up to 110-120 for 4 minutes.  The whole thing goes something like this:

5 minutes: speed of 100 – 110

Heart rate = 167

1 minute: speed of 70-80

4 minutes: speed of 110 – 120; goal = exceed last HR

Heart Rate = 178

1 minute: speed of 70-80

3 minutes: speed of 110-120 (Note: he thought I looked pretty winded at this point, otherwise he would have upped my speed here)

Heart Rate = 172 (oops!  It was supposed to go up!  Guess I should have upped my speed on that last round).

1 minute: speed of 70-80

2 minutes: speed of 120 – 130

Heart Rate = 180+

1 minute: speed of 70-80

1 minute: speed of 130+ (“You can do ANYTHING for a minute,” he says)

Heart Rate = 200+ (Whoa)

3 minutes: recovery – waiting for my heart rate to get into the 140s, which it never does while on the machine, and we have to move on.

My trainer points out that my conditioning isn’t that good.  If it was, my HR would have dropped faster during recovery.  While this doesn’t surprise me this is NEW INFORMATION (something my nutritionist never really got to me).  For one, I was going too easy on myself on cardio machines before, thinking my max was about 170, and trying to keep it from 150 to 170.  And yet, every time I played a tennis match, I was frustrated that I would become so easily winded.

He and I didn’t have time for weights, because we (well, it was more for my benefit) had to go hear the sales pitch again.

I am now really convinced that a GOOD trainer is worth every penny (a good nutritionist probably is too, but I haven’t found one of those).  This guy was smart, professional and personable – and he gave me NEW information.  He pushed me in a way I didn’t know I could be pushed.

As it’s my intention to join Gold’s Gym in the next few weeks (after the FREE Camp Gladiator Arena trial is over), I’m taking a hard look at my budget to see if I have the funds to squeeze in some personal training.  It’s $570 for 12 sessions, which they of course suggest three times per week.  At $47.50 per session, this is far cheaper than ALL the top gyms I looked at (where the going rate is $75 per session).  If I sign up for 24 or 36 sessions, the price drops to $45 per session (though you still pay in a chunk).  This is still QUITE a hefty payment (think: car payment).  But, if I had the budget, I would so do it.  Still thinking about how I can work this into my budget and what it means giving up in return.

What are your thoughts on personal training/personal trainers?  Have you had any particularly good or bad experiences with training?

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Apr 19 2012
4 Comments
Size 20

This and That

So, a little content for my readers (In hopes that you won’t notice I have yet to post my Search for a Gym Part 2 article).

First of all, WELCOME!  There have been SO MANY new visitors from the Prior Fat Girl blog site.  ‘Tis true, I did not win a spot as a blogger on that site, but knowing I have so many supporters (and votes!) is a great consolation prize.  I hope I can deliver on all of your expectations.  Yesterday was the biggest day my little blog has ever had :)

Regarding my perfection post of last week, le sigh.  I have not been perfect.  I haven’t been terrible – I’ve been working out a lot, despite some hip issues.  I AM working around the hip pain for the moment, but I will see the doctor today and confirm it is nothing serious.  I did talk to a nurse friend of mine (she happens to be a doctor of nursing, and a former bone nurse (the term is escaping me)) who thinks it is a hip sprain or just general strain.

I have continued in my search for a gym, taking full advantage of trial memberships and such, just to make an informed decision.  Lifetime Fitness – oh my!  So many options, such quality machines and classes.  And the hot tub, steam room, etc.  Why is it 8 miles away?

I will be back soon with news about my hip and my fun little Gym spreadsheet!  Promise.

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Feb 04 2012
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Size 20

Encouragement

Yesterday at boot camp, we did this partner activity I rather like.  We ran a lap and were given a number 1 through 16 (there were 16 of us).  Then, person 1 pairs with 16, 2 with 15, 3 with 14, etc.  The idea is that all 8 pairs have roughly the same average ability level.  I was number 16.  I could have made 15, but I did want this one woman, new to boot camp this month, to be the last so I held back (honestly!).  Meaning, I’m now paired with the fastest dude in the class.

So what you do in pairs for this type of approach can vary greatly.  On this particular Friday, one partner would run across a parking lot to a cone, do the exercise assigned to that cone, in the quantity specified, then run back to the mats.  You tag your partner and do mat exercises while they do the cone exercises you just completed.  Once both people in a pair have done the first cone, then the second cone starts.  The process continues for 10 cones, each increasing in both quantity and difficulty.  For instance cone 1 was something like 2 squat jumps; cone 10 was a burpee with a push-up with a sexy spider with a star jump.  Oh, and while you’re running between cones and the mats, you run with dumb bells straight up in the air.  Love it.  The idea is to get all 10 cones done as fast as possible (and beat the other teams).

So yeah, I was paired with Fastest Dude.  A little intimidating and yet motivating.  I know he must be competitive because in the lap where he earned a ‘1’ (and I earned a ‘16’), he was in an all-out sprint to beat this other girl who ultimately got a ‘2.’  Yikes.  But.  But but BUT. Fastest dude PUSHED me to do my best.  He didn’t assume that because I was the slowest runner that I was slow at everything.  He assumed we had it in us to WIN (which we did!). I was determined not to let him down.

When I would come out of an exercise, I would generally be very loopy.  Like, blood doesn’t know where to rush because I was up and then down and then up and then down in the exercise (something called a scissor push-up, for example).  I’d  be walking back to the mats and I’d hear Fastest Dude yell, ‘Come on Katie, pick up the pace, I know you can do it!”  And, he was RIGHT.  I could.  I’d throw those stupid dumb bells in the air and find my inner jog.  At one point, he informed me we were in first place and that only spurred me on.  We ultimately won, and “earned” a victory lap, though I had some shin splintage going on so I stretched and drank water.

See, the lesson from this, or at least one lesson, is competitive spirit with a partner really works for me.  I think this is why I like Tennis so much.  I play a lot of doubles tennis, and I need to channel so much of what happened that day at boot camp.  For one, I need to encourage my partners more (note: I don’t have one consistent partner yet).  Two, I need to help them (perhaps?) recognize why they missed the shot.  Three, I need to encourage them to encourage me – especially when they’ve seen better from me in the past.  I also think I need to get to know my partner more.  For an upcoming match I’m partnered with Lawyer Chick, who is maybe 40+ with a couple of kids.  She’s fun, athletic, good at tennis – I just don’t have camaraderie with her yet.  In our last match, however, she and I won the only match for my team, which we were pretty proud of :)

Boot camp is on almost-hiatus now.  We have one Super Bowl themed two-hour event today, which I understand will be lots of flag football and tailgating games.  I’ve invited several girls from the office to join, and I think two plan to come, plus their friends/significant others.

One week break from boot camp, then it starts up again mid-February.

Scale update: though Friday’s are my designated day, I do step on the scale daily (despite much scrutiny from others).  The scale reflected a couple-pound gain from yesterday, which I GUESS is to be expected, since I had a couple of beers last night, and a heavy dinner.  It’s one day, and I don’t fret about it.  I just like the reminder of my progress yesterday and use it as a guide to do well today.  Also, I noticed that my jeans (which typically last a few washes), were big on me after one day of wearing them.  Size 18 soon??  I hope so!

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Dec 27 2011
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Self Realization, Size 20

Pushing Perceived Limits

Oh man, ya’ll.  I’m on a 3 or 4 week hiatus from boot camp right now (because they shut down, not because I don’t want to be there), and so I was beaming when I received a kettle weight for Christmas.  What is a kettle weight, you might ask?  Well, it’s similar to a kettle ball, only instead of a ball, it looks like a dumb bell. And, it came with a DVD.

I did the beginner video.  Lots of lunging, squatting and swinging.  I expected some arm and shoulder tenderness, as this weight is heavier than my standard dumb bells I use at Camp Gladiator – 10lbs vs. two 3lbs.  But noooooooo (think of a kid putting an emphasis on about the 4th “o”).

My ass hurts.  It’s a good hurt.  I walk funny, feel silly-slow while trying to sit on a chair, and even sitting on my super cushy sofa, the slightest  move ignites a fire at the top of the backs of my thighs.

And I love it.  I have not had this type of pain in a couple of weeks and I have a difficult time getting it outside of boot camp.

Why is it that it takes a personal trainer, boot camp, or something with a “coach” that makes me push myself to this point?  Why can’t I push myself to this point without the help of an expert?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be hard on myself here, just trying to understand.  I often do long cardio workouts – 40-60 minutes on an elliptical or treadmill at 4-6 incline.  No, I don’t run a 10 minute mile, but the duration is there.  When I do weights, I push myself.  I do planks, angry penguins, pushups, triceps dips, crunches, toe touches and all the weight machines available to me (and more).

For now, I will keep wondering.  I would like to get to the point where I am my own personal trainer – where I can push my body to exhaustion and soreness, so that my muscles rebuild stronger than before,  where I’m pushing myself as much as a boot camp trainer would push me.  Until then, and even beyond, I will gladly attend boot camp where I’m pushed beyond my known limits, and discover just how far I can go.

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Nov 27 2011
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Confession, Consolations & Desolations, Size 20

Consolations and Desolations

Something I’d like to do on Sunday’s moving forward: Consolations and Desolations.  What was your Consolation – high point – of the week, and what was your Desolation – low point – for the week.  It doesn’t have to be weight or health related – but it can be.

For me, my consolation of the week was yesterday’s boot camp.  It was my 3rd boot camp ever, and since it was a Saturday (or maybe because it was a holiday), the trainer(s) were new to me.  And, because it was raining, there were only nine of us.  The two trainers were right there next to us, adjusting our planks, and showing us what “parallel” looks like in a wall squat.  I’m more sore than I’ve ever been and though I can only move slowly, I’m proud of how hard I pushed myself.

As for a desolation, it involves a tube of cookie dough, one of my “trigger” foods.  This is a term I learned about back in my Weight Watchers days.  Trigger foods are the things you should never purchase, because once you have a bite, you have twenty.  I lied to myself when I bought the stuff – told myself that I would be making some cookies for Thanksgiving, all the while knowing I would munch on the dough alone.  I ate that whole tube of cookie dough in a matter of 2.5 days.

So what is your consolation and your desolation of the week?  And while we’re at it, what are your trigger foods? You can comment, or you can let me know in 140 characters on twitter: @1digitdenim

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Nov 12 2011
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Size 22, The beginning

Parental Love and Weight

I recognize that my writing skills are rusty, and I may not always build a story in the best way, hooking y’all early.  So, I will just preface this blog with a request: read it to the end, because that’s where I’ve really exposed some stuff deep in my heart.

I have never really sized myself up to others in terms of appearance.  I’ve very rarely walked into a room of strangers and thought ‘I’m the biggest one here.’  Occasionally I’ve said to myself “Oh good, I’m not the fattest one here.”  Which if I think about it, means I have just contradicted myself.  I MUST size myself up in terms of appearance when I walk in a room, however subconsciously.

But, being larger than others in the room has never really bugged me.  I think when I heard the kid-friendly messaging that people should love you for who you are, and not what you look like, it over-resonated with me.

I’m not a mother, but I’ve really been thinking about how I would talk about nutrition, health, weight and beauty with a daughter.  I kind of wish my parents had talked to me more about being thinner and the opportunities it opens for you, but I understand why they didn’t.

When I was in my mid-twenties my dad took a serious tone with me, and out of love and concern for my future, he said that I needed to lose weight if I ever wanted to find a husband.  He prefaced it by saying he would only tell me this once, ever – and he’s held to that.  As I write this, I’m having an emotional reaction not to what he said then, but the fact that he only said it only once.  It means throughout my life – my chubby, chunky entire life – he bit his tongue about my weight.  My mom too, was pretty quiet about my weight.

My Wonderful, Loving Parents (and me!)

It means they made a decision together, out of love for me, at some young, chunky moment in my life, to NOT give me a complex about it by over-harping on my snacks or meals, but instead encouraging the sports I was interested in (Tennis), and other healthy habits I’m likely not even aware of.

I cannot say they did me any disservice.  Parenting is difficult in a way I cannot fathom.  Somewhere along the way I just became wired to eat more and eat mindlessly (whether it was nature or nurture, I don’t care).  But, I’m also wired to feel that what I am on the inside matters, I know what love feels like because of the abundant love they gave me, and I relish in the encouragement they’ve always given me without criticism (then and now).

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Nov 06 2011
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Confession, Size 22, The beginning

Confessions

About a year and a half ago, I lived practically next door to a Walgreen’s. It was highly convenient for those groceries I forgot to buy, but it was quite detrimental to my hips and thighs (rhyme not intended).

I would often buy their 2 for $10 DiGiorno’s Pizzas with the intention of spreading one pizza out over 2-3 meals. But, after I’d bake it, I’d pull out 2-3 slices (of 6) for myself, then find myself going back for just one more slice at least once or twice. I don’t remember it happening, but I’ll bet anything that I ate that whole pizza in one evening at least once (gulp).

Truth be told, I probably COULD still do that. My stomach can seemingly handle anything I throw at it. But, there’s so much empowerment saying I WON’T eat this whole pizza; in saying this pizza WILL last me at least two meals.

Let’s go back about 22 years. My dad was picking me up from elementary school with a stomach ache. When he arrived to pick me up and take me home, he asked me why I thought I wasn’t feeling well. The nurse replied on my behalf: “MAYBE it’s because she had pizza and ice cream for breakfast.” My dad felt like parent of the year in that moment, I’m sure.

Old habits die hard :) Though I AM having pizza for breakfast this morning, it is just two slices of the same DiGiorno pizza I made last night, and it’s a very, very, very rare treat. Old habits reinvented, perhaps?

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Oct 24 2011
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Size 22, The beginning

Sixty Nine Days

Sixty-nine days.  Sixty-nine days ago, I started a weight-loss journey for the bazillionth time since probably 6th grade.  My dear friend Tracy, whom I’ve known since 1st grade encouraged me to go on a 12-week (84 day) challenge with her to lose 10 lbs.  I thought – piece of cake.  I’ve lost weight in the past and when I really commit to it, it just falls off.

Now, with 15 days left to go, I have lost 7lbs.  Well, in actuality I lost 3, gained EIGHT, and then lost 11.  But, I’m still not to that point where I’m 10lbs from where I started.

Tracy has been great, honestly.  She’s always full of ideas when I’m struggling.  She’s also come a long way herself – losing something like 70+ pounds in the last year and a half, through disciplined eating, yoga and running.  So, when the one therapist I met one time said that whenever I’m trying to do something, I should talk to someone who has done it, it resonated with me.

Still, I have been disappointed in my progress.  I have been half-assing it, if I’m really honest.  I can chock some of it up to “learning experience” or whatever, and the friends who are supporting me in their sugar-sweet way will say as much.  But it took another friend, whom I’ve always considered a no-bullshit kind of gal, to really jar me this weekend.

Nicole and I have known each other for six or so years.  She has a strong personality and is feistier than I am at times.  She has wanted to work out with me, at our respective apartment gyms.  After our last workout, on our walk back to her apartment, I started talking about how I’ve tried different things, eating, working out, tennis, etc. etc. and nothing is making much of a difference.  She pretty bluntly told me what I’m doing isn’t working.  I make excuses, I change up my plan all the time, and I don’t stick to anything long enough to see if it works.

This upset me for a full 24 hours.  There was more to it than just the bit about what I’m doing not working (because in my head, eating less and working out SHOULD work).  Really though, I love her for not sugar-coating anything.  She gave me a strong reality check that I needed in that moment.

Quick aside here – growing up I went to a school for gifted and talented kids.  Decent grades came my way without a lot of hard work.  If I went through some general motions (homework, paying attention) the grade would kind of fall into place (though, I never really fought for the A’s).  In 7th grade Biology though, I hit a wall.  The teacher was sort of Ben Stein-like with his monotone voice and his lack of command for the classroom.  But, he was the teacher that was at school around 7:30 each day, so since our working parents dropped us off so early, in his room we would hang with the hamsters and other class pets.  One morning, when I was facing a solid C in that class, and I got bratty with him; I suggested it was his fault – he didn’t teach well enough, he nonchalantly mentioned test dates, etc. etc.   He let me have it; according to him I hadn’t been applying myself, didn’t study, didn’t pay attention in class.  I had been expecting decent grades to fall into my lap just like they had all throughout the school years.

Well, Nicole’s reality check with me Friday Night brought me back to that moment.  That Bio teacher ignited some kind of fire in me to prove him wrong (by proving him right).  The next test I made an A, and the next report card was an A as well.

This weight-loss is going to take that kind of fire.  In order to succeed, I can’t half-ass it – I have to strive for the A.  There will be no fast food (even if it’s in my calorie plan), no cheating, and tons of working out.  There will be critics who question the way I’m doing it, but I have to prove them wrong by losing the weight.  I really want this weight gone, and I have to prove to everyone, including myself that it is doable.  That’s it.

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