It’s slow-going in camp single-digit-denim. Last I reported, I’d lost about 14 lbs. I should probably know it down to the two-tenths-of-a-pound, but when you weigh over 200, two-tenths feels like pocket change, honestly.
The thing is, my weight changes DRASTICALLY day to day. I don’t know how it works for skinny girls, but from Monday to Tuesday, my weight can fluctuate by as much as 6 lbs. I KNOW “they” say you shouldn’t weigh every single day, but I do. I think they say that to teens so they don’t develop eating disorders. Truth is, had I forced myself to step on a scale daily starting in college, I’d probably be about 80 lbs lighter. I would have seen the numbers creeping and would have changed it then. (And honestly, knowing your weight is like knowing your bank account balance…)
I put on weight rather obliviously. I don’t really remember thinking “Op! I’m a size up this time!” I don’t even remember the moment when I could no longer shop at the “regular” store. Why didn’t anyone say anything? There were signs for myself – all over the place! (Ok, that’s not fair – my mother did say stuff, but for some reason we dismiss our mothers).
Granted I’m no closer to getting married today than I was when I was say, six, I’d actually thought about how I’d be a fat bride. I thought about what dress cuts flatter short stocky girls. How pathetic is that? Even when i was single+fat, I saw myself fat for life (or fat till ‘I do’ at least).
The truth is I fell ever so slightly from the wagon in the past week. I think three and a half days off at Thanksgiving had a role. I have been more tired since waking up early (ahem, for workouts I’ve been skipping sporadically). Work has picked up a tad. All reasons, but all excuses. I have boot camp tomorrow morning and literally thought an hour ago, “Maybe I’ll start next week off fresh and just not go tomorrow.”
No. No no no. It re-starts NOW. Now now now. As of this morning, I’m at 13 lbs lost. My corduroys’s were hanging off of me yesterday. The new jeans I bought last week fit like a glove and I love that feeling every time I zip the fly. I need more of THOSE moments. I need more of those empowering moments when boot camp ends with a “bring it in.” I know all the things I need and must do. Now it’s time to do. Do do do.
I keep reminding myself that if I can just do this, I can do anything. “Recovering” from weight gain will be one of the most difficult things I do in my life, and overcoming it will be the most inspirational.
Katie, I think you’ve got this all exactly right. It reminds me of a post I just read at Zen Habits (a good read if you’ve got the time to check it out): http://zenhabits.net/guiltfree/. The only thing that can make you stronger and fitter is what you do from now on, not what you did yesterday or last week. Guilt isn’t what motivates you; it’s the power and happiness you feel when you make positive changes.
For what it’s worth, too, you’re right and they’re wrong about the scale. The newest research shows people who successfully lose weight weigh themselves every day. I have (45 pounds for going on 10 years now), and I do, and my weight can change by three pounds or so day to day–but I know if the range shifts consistently higher it’s time to make a tweak to my habits.
Cindy, that article was great
Thanks for sharing it and your own personal journey! Let me know if ever you are in Austin.