It’s slow-going in camp single-digit-denim. Last I reported, I’d lost about 14 lbs. I should probably know it down to the two-tenths-of-a-pound, but when you weigh over 200, two-tenths feels like pocket change, honestly.
The thing is, my weight changes DRASTICALLY day to day. I don’t know how it works for skinny girls, but from Monday to Tuesday, my weight can fluctuate by as much as 6 lbs. I KNOW “they” say you shouldn’t weigh every single day, but I do. I think they say that to teens so they don’t develop eating disorders. Truth is, had I forced myself to step on a scale daily starting in college, I’d probably be about 80 lbs lighter. I would have seen the numbers creeping and would have changed it then. (And honestly, knowing your weight is like knowing your bank account balance…)
I put on weight rather obliviously. I don’t really remember thinking “Op! I’m a size up this time!” I don’t even remember the moment when I could no longer shop at the “regular” store. Why didn’t anyone say anything? There were signs for myself – all over the place! (Ok, that’s not fair – my mother did say stuff, but for some reason we dismiss our mothers).
Granted I’m no closer to getting married today than I was when I was say, six, I’d actually thought about how I’d be a fat bride. I thought about what dress cuts flatter short stocky girls. How pathetic is that? Even when i was single+fat, I saw myself fat for life (or fat till ‘I do’ at least).
The truth is I fell ever so slightly from the wagon in the past week. I think three and a half days off at Thanksgiving had a role. I have been more tired since waking up early (ahem, for workouts I’ve been skipping sporadically). Work has picked up a tad. All reasons, but all excuses. I have boot camp tomorrow morning and literally thought an hour ago, “Maybe I’ll start next week off fresh and just not go tomorrow.”
No. No no no. It re-starts NOW. Now now now. As of this morning, I’m at 13 lbs lost. My corduroys’s were hanging off of me yesterday. The new jeans I bought last week fit like a glove and I love that feeling every time I zip the fly. I need more of THOSE moments. I need more of those empowering moments when boot camp ends with a “bring it in.” I know all the things I need and must do. Now it’s time to do. Do do do.
I keep reminding myself that if I can just do this, I can do anything. “Recovering” from weight gain will be one of the most difficult things I do in my life, and overcoming it will be the most inspirational.